tia_tarina

Everybody can sleep safe, they got my hand lotion and toothpaste. . .

2006-10-27T19:31:35Z

Just about to escape the surly bonds of the Valley.

On the way down, Austin Bergstrom confiscated my toothpaste but passed my extra-special tube of hand lotion from the spa at Ojo Caliente.

Well, the good people at Harlingen International have decided that I'm a danger to myself and others with $30 of hand lotion in my possession and were good enough to toss it in the trash for me.

Of course, if I'd been willing to check a bag and risk losing that to the vaguries of Southwest Airlines, I *could* have gotten out of the screening line, gone back to stand in the ticketing line, put the lotion in my bag and checked it.

It was worth an additional $30 to get the f**k out of the Valley that much sooner.

Thank you NTSA, I feel *so* much safer now that you've taken all the toothpaste and hand lotion away from all of us would be MacGyvers.

Wasted Days and Wasted Nights

2006-10-26T17:04:42Z

I'm currently hanging out with my 81-year-old Father in Extreme South Texas (it's not the end of the world, but you can see it from here).

While here I'm trying to get a bit of research done on The Big Bird of South Texas.

No, this has nothing to do with Seasame Street.

The Big Bird was a alien animal that I remember from my childhood. A bit of rudimentary research has 'devil bird' reports going back as far as the locals can remember, and that's a good long bit.

So, we rolled up to the brand spankin' new Harlingen Public Library and with a bit of searching found someone who could get the microfiche reader up and running.

It malfuncioned after printing the first ten pages. It could have been out of paper. It could have had a paper jam. It was beyond the technological savvy of the guy keeping the computers from walking out the door (man, it wasn't all that long ago *that* was my job and boy howdy was I overqualified) who promised to leave a note for the morning staff.

This morning I called to find out what the diagnosis was.

They didn't get the note and the gal on duty was not permitted to leave her post to check the machine.

I'm waiting for the gal who can check the machine to show up. Any bets?

Just a guess, but this is probably passive-aggressive-Valley-speak for 'piss-off, we're busy with MySpace'.

*sigh*

My parents live just up the road from the San Benito City Cemetery where recently deceased home-town-celebrity Freddy Fender was just buried. I should take a picture as we have to drive by it to go anywhere. There's a dirt field next door to a traditional old mexican cemetery. In the middle front of this empty field is a huge pile of withering greenery. Under that is Freddy Fender's grave. There was only one space next to his mother's grave in the old cemetery and Freddie's wife wants to be buried next to him. So they put him in the brand new annex. . .

According to my Father, there are plans to make a big memorial.

With the manyana principle firmly in place, I'm pretty sure Freddy is gonna be all by himself with his withering flowers for quite a while.

Never thought I would be so eager to head back to Austin. . .

Aaeeeiiiiii!

2006-10-24T17:27:53Z

I'm *so* not going to these people's Friday Fish Fry. . .

David and I saw this message on a church in West Texas yesterday.

Anyhoo, I'm home for today and have to leave tomorrow for the Valley for an enforced parental visit. :(

I'll be back Friday and hopefully back on schedule by Monday. Just in time for the insanity of World Fantasy. . .

Thanks for everyone's phone calls and well-wishes.

Things are much better today.

Taking a powder

2006-10-21T17:31:39Z

Due to a poisonous dose of Ambien (if you know anyone currently taking Ambien, ask them to find an alternative-- please), a series of very nasty mis-understandings and a two-day hell-bent-for-leather truck drive, I am currently hiding out in New Mexico.

David has hopped a flight to convince me to come back and should be arriving in about twenty minutes.

We should should be back in Texas ('cuse me while I spit) in a day or two.

Heavily edited story to follow

War On Terrorable Diseases

2006-10-16T01:30:39Z

(insert the sound of inarticulate rage from Daffy Duck when Bugs Bunny kept screwing with his world behind the scenes in 'Duck Amuck')

It was reported last week that the Daily Show contains just as many facts as broadcast news.

Ya gotta admit, that's pretty f'ed up, right there.

We're relying on The Daily Show and Jon Stewart to hoist the evil f**ktards in charge by their own petard as no 'reputable' news show in the 'free' world will do it.

(sigh)

Friday's episode was especially on target. Those of us siding with the House and Senate in favor of stem-cell research are just getting our terminology wrong if we want to get W on our side. . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osjyyH2UruA

Mmmm. Baby smoothies. . .

The Mexican border is perfectly secure. What parade?

2006-10-12T22:57:32Z

The Mexican border is still just as open as I remember it from my youth.

Would you believe a guy crossed it down near Brownsville with three elephants and a mariachi band?

http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/metro/stories/MYSA101206.01B.border.elephants.350c41b.html

Now that's cojones.

The One and Only. . .

2006-10-12T03:43:09Z

Once again I'm stealing from Chris Robinson's web site (http://www.chrisroberson.net/ramble.html)

How many people in the US share your name?

Apparently, there are 82 Tara Wheelers.

HowManyOfMe.com

There are:
82
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Maybe I should write under my maiden name as there's only one Tara Carstensen. . .

HowManyOfMe.com

There is:
1
person with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Both my sister, Kira Carstensen and my poor neice (gods, this kid's gonna catch hell for her name when she gets a bit older) Carsten Charington have achieved the equavalent of a Googlewhack as there are no records listed for either name. . .

Where the hell's my smut?!?

2006-10-09T04:13:19Z

Just finished watching Part 1 of 'Cassanova' and all the smut's been cut out of it!

(insert sounds of inarticulate rage)

Fine! Dragon's Lair has ordered the *British* edition. I *will* have my smut!

National Novel Writing Month

2006-10-08T02:49:43Z

Alright, a few months back I tried following the instructions of a book called 'First Draft in 30 Days'.

The novel I was working on (and am still working on) turned out to be far too complicated for that set up, so the plan fell by the wayside.

I heard a little about National Novel Writing Month last year on NPR.

This year, I heard about it again, but this time it was in time to actually do something about it. I went and did some reasearch and this sounds like way too much fun to stay out of.

The plan is to 50,000 words in 30 days. You have complete permission to suck. You are to choose something fun to write about that won't get you too hung up. Then write, write, write. And get all sorts of people to support you in your mad endevor.

Have I mentioned the insane amount of support involved? Seems like there are groups getting together for this every twenty miles in Central Texas. Last year Austin placed *third in the world* for word count. People are quite keen to do better this year (!?!) I will be attending 'NaNo' write-ins in Austin, San Marcos and possibly Lockhart. The official website has a forum to ask for help and get kicks in the pants.

Speaking of kicks in the pants, the 'kit' includes 'Onerosity' Cupons for your friends and loved ones to fill out with horrible things you agree to do if you don't meet your word counts. So far, David has me signed up to eat a salad without dressing and my Father has me signed up to say something nice about W. Other cupons are out and I'm awaiting worse tasks. . .

So, this Halloween I will not be attending my usual showing of the 'Rocky Horror Picture Show'; I'll be counting down 'till 12am, November 1st when I'll have to have 1,667 words down by the following midnight.

Anyone who wants in on this, I'd be more than happy to help with your support group.

Anyone who wants to help me would be greatly appreciated.

Wish me luck!

Advanced Squee Alert!!

2006-10-06T18:00:14Z

This weekend, PBS will (hopefully) present something American fangirls have been eagarly anticipating for the last year:

Masterpiece Theatre
"Casanova" (part 1 of 2)

Sunday, October 8, 2006

9 - 10:30 pm

Peter O'Toole and David Tennant portray the world's greatest lover in his nostalgic old age and his action-packed youth in a two-part drama based on the real life of Giacomo Casanova, the infamous 18th-century lothario. Casanova has good advice for those who would emulate him: listen to your lover. (CC, Stereo, DVI)

I've seen some pirated clips and I'm really wondering how much of it they're going to show.

Brits seem to have no problems with nudity and gender issues. This show has both in spades. (whoop! whoop!)

Nekkid David Tennant running amuck *and* Peter O'Toole telling wicked tales. Now that's entertainment!

P.S. Please don't call the Rancho Sunday night. I anticpate the phone service will be out. . .

Why David and I will not be having children. . .

2006-10-03T17:44:54Z

http://www.defectiveyeti.com/archives/001766.html

The other main reason is: Unca Mad Doctor York and Unca Road Rich.

Yet another reason I want to move to Iceland. . .

2006-10-02T20:26:51Z

The lights are going out in Iceland this week so people can gaze at the night sky.

http://www.aftenposten.no/english/world/article1474652.ece

Zombies March on Austin City Hall

2006-09-28T06:05:41Z

Has someone told Aaron Allston about this?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/shannou/sets/72157594301611254/

Apparantly a group of zombies marched on city hall with badly written signs reading: "Mairage = 1 Zombie + 1 Zombie", "More Binifits for Zombie Vets in Our Necronomoconomy", "Brains...The Other White Meat", "We're here, we're dead, get used to it!" and "Zombies Was People Too."

The zombies were also heard to be shouting: (zombies shout? who knew?) "What do we want? Brains! When do we want them? Brains!"

They were counter-protested by pirates. . .

Austin gets weirder every damn day.

The George W Bush Butt Plug!

2006-09-27T22:50:52Z

Bwhahahaha!

Finally! A job W's suited for!

http://www.fleshbot.com/sex/sex-toys/sex-toy-of-the-week-george-bush-butt-plug-203631.php

The iTunes Plot Generator!

2006-09-27T06:00:19Z

Oh. Dear. God.

Please don't do this while drinking.

OK, here's the drill. Start up iTunes and put it on full random.

Fill in the blanks.

I'm not responcible for the consequences.

Some people get real elaborate, fleshing them all out. Me, I just let the chips fall where they may and can't stop giggling at the mental images. If I nailed 'em all down, you probably wouldn't have half as much fun reading 'em.

Our story begins with: Walk on Water by Marc Cohn

who is living in: Love Theme From Twin Peaks by Angelo Badalamenti

and spends time: Friends Will Be Friends by Queen

while longing for: Undercover Angel by Alan O'Day

In her troubled past, he/ she: Fragile by Sting

and since then, he/she has: Sweet Transvestite by Tim Curry

leaving him/her conflicted over: Down In The Hole by James Taylor

On this fateful day, our hero: Road To Nowhere by Talking Heads

which causes this conflict or risks this loss: Behind Closed Doors by Charlie Ritch

He/She resolves to: Don't Know Why by Norah Jones

but fails to: Gump by Weird Al Yankovic

intensifying their conflict by: Rio by Michael Nesmith

Pressures build until: Legend of the Big Bird by ? (it's a radio summary of the Big Bird of South Texas alien animal scare of 1979)

At this crucial point, he/she chooses: Laugh Kills Lonesome by Michael Nesmith

and the story resolves with: The Tao Of Heaven by Rick Springfield

Aliens Arrested in Roswell

2006-09-25T03:36:02Z

And they were working for the Government. Really!

http://www.ice.gov/pi/news/newsreleases/articles/060829roswell.htm

Yes, I have a copy of the Star Wars Christmas Special. . .

2006-09-21T04:46:32Z

Weird Al has a new video he posted to YouTube

'White and Nerdy'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xEzGIuY7kw

Yet another program too intelligent for TV

2006-09-19T19:20:12Z

Last month I sat down and watched all the live action 'Tick' episodes back-to-back (I was putting mailing labels and stamps on 2,000+ postcards for Dragon's Lair's 20th Anniversary).

Gods, what a show 'The Tick' was! So gorgeous! So wicked! And way the hell too smart for your average trogladyte piloting a remote.

So, of course, it got the ax. :( Thank all the gods it came out on DVD so we can at least pull it out and say: 'see, not everyone in LA has their heads up their ass. Once upon a time, children, TV used to have something called 'content'.'

A few nights back I found out that another 'too smart for TV' pilot had crashed and burned without a sound.

The Sci-Fi Channel (you know, the wankers who brought us the 'all white' 'Wizards of Earthsea') commissioned a pilot of an animated show by the genius who brought us Hellboy, Mike Mignola.

This show was to be called. . . are you ready for this?

Oh man, this is gonna go down faster than Dr. Frankenfurter at the Pro Atlas Bodybuilding Championship.

Here's the blurb from the Sci-Fi website:

"In this hilarious send-up of Lovecraftian horror and steampunk adventure, President Abraham Lincoln's top spy is a bodyless head known only as Screw-On Head.

When arch-fiend Emperor Zombie steals an artifact that will enable him to threaten all life on Earth, the task of stopping him is assigned to Screw-on Head. Fortunately, Screw-On Head is not alone on this perilous quest. He is aided by his multitalented manservant, Mr. Groin, and by his talking canine cohort, Mr. Dog.

Can this unorthodox trio stop Emperor Zombie in time? Does Screw-On Head have a body awesome enough to stop the horrors that have been unleashed? Where can we get a talking dog?

All these questions (O.K., maybe not that last one) are answered by the thrilling tale of The Amazing Screw-On Head!"

The pilot was carefully tucked away and people who managed to stumble on it were asked to vote on whether or not they wanted to see it on Sci-Fi.

*insert sound of Tom Servo pretending to be a prop plane crashing*

If you want to see this insanity, Google 'Screw On Head' and then re-search for Google Videos.

Failing that, be nice to me and I'll show you my copy. . .

But hey, Sci-Fi can now bring us a whole bunch of sucky crap with more has-been actors! And more horror shows, please! Mmmmboy!

Harrison Bergeron

2006-09-18T17:11:57Z

Many, many moons ago, when I was still a young impressionable thing, I was plucked from a desert paradise and harshly dropped in the prison of a South Texas Lutheran (who really, really wanted to be Baptists) elementary school.

I was not allowed to wear my indian jewelry, I was sent off separatly to do special exercises for my twisted back, and found that 'normal' people don't like lizards, bugs or snakes.

Needless to say, I was not popular.

One of the few benefits was that I got very, very bored and read everything I could put hands to.

This meant that when the books were handed out at the beginning of the semester, I would read the whole Literature book in about a week. I read stories that weren't assigned.

One of these, a story about fairness, I read over and over and over again.

At the end of the semester, the books were taken up and I never saw that story again.

I looked everywhere for it. I hadn't written down the title or the author and when I described it to people, they looked at me like I was insane.

I've been looking for that damn story for thirty years. Several people were convinced it was a Ray Bradbury story.

I've been through just about every Ray Bradbury anthology. Nope.

Three days ago, I got a wild hair and posted to the boards over at Revolution SF (http://www.revolutionsf.com/home.html)

This morning, I got my answer. It was 'Harrison Bergeron' by Kurt Vonnegut

Wow.

http://instruct.westvalley.edu/lafave/hb.html

She's up!

2006-09-17T16:00:06Z

As mongo42 posted earlier, She's up and free standing.

Here's a picture of the elusive spinsono trying to escape the camera monster.

And here's one of Matt and Paul (also hiding in the TARDIS -- we had hundreds hidden in there and you can only see two!) debating on sign placement strategies.

After the build crew left, I spent two hours sanding and spackling in more wood putty.

Next week, doors!

Horny Toads, Aliens and Trucks

2006-09-17T04:56:42Z

Most of the short fiction I'm currently working on has a 'western' theme.

I'm writing an awful lot about cowboys, sagebrush, dragons and alien wrecks in the desert (hey, this is *my* West!)

So far, no bites on getting published.

Anyone who knows of a western-themed sci-fi or fantasy anthology or magazine that's looking for submissions, please drop me a line!

Do you worry that your cat might invade Poland?

2006-09-15T15:03:32Z

Bwahahaha!

Cats that look like Hitler are called 'Kitlers' and they have their own web page!

http://83.136.68.93/cgi-bin/seigbest.pl?1

And down in the valley below lay Dale. . .

2006-09-15T03:16:00Z

Neil Gaiman is appaled by the "twee and nightmarish horribleness" of this new housing development in Bend, Oregon.

http://www.bendshire.com/

David and I kinda like it and think Mr. Gaiman might be getting just a little too gothy for his own good.

As David put it: "Yeah, if there was an 'Emily The Strange' housing development, you'd be all over that. . ."

No, I'm not old, your music really does suck

2006-09-14T02:53:07Z

I like to write to music. But it has to be very specific music. I can't write to anything with words, or that's real recognisable, or too peppy or too dominant in any one instrument. Something soothing that moves along and doesn't really resolve. . .

Yep, that pretty much means New Age.

Now, I am not a fan of New Age music. That's like saying I'm a fan of trucks. Sure, own one, and I have real specific ideas and rules about what one should and shouldn't have. I just *hate* some of them for being totally useless. And I think some people shouldn't have them at all. I have brand preferences, but not real firm ones.

I *use* them. It doesn't have to be pretty, just useful. It gets me places and lets me haul my stuff with me at speed.

Enought with the truck metaphore.

Today I tried to buy some new, New Age music as I'd listened pretty much all of my acceptable stuff into the ground.

Book People *used* to sell New Age music. They gave it up because Waterloo Music is across the street.

I *hate* Waterloo Music. Yes, it's very clever to put pretty much everything in alphabetical order by artist. But that really doesn't let you branch out to other artists that do similar music you might like.

They play music so bloody loud I have trouble thinking of the music I'm looking for so I can remember the name of the artist, so I can look them up alphabetically.

The vast majority of the people who work there are too cool to help you, and certainly in no rush to do so.

And now, I hate them because they actually do have a New Age *section*, but I can hold it in one hand. :(

Book People gave up it's New Age CDs because Waterloo Music is across the street-- not selling New Age music.

*sigh*

So I drove down to New Age Books on South Lamar and got to listen to the counter help warn select people about the upcoming apocolypse. I'd kinda forgot that New Agers had apocolypses. . .

But I did get some new, New Age music.

And when I get home, I'll check to see if I still have anything left of my Y2K hoard. . .

Busy, busy, busy

2006-09-10T01:33:19Z

Man has it been a crazy week.

Finished a new short story, which I kept under 5,000 words (yay me!). My first novel is at 10,000, aiming for 100,000, and another short story is at 4,000, aiming for under 7,000.

Got one of my old stories back with an email rejection (darn). Yet another one for my file.

I'm taking a flash fiction class at UT and hope to churn out a bunch of stuff under 500 words (yeah, worth less per word, but great practice in being concise).

The build team finished two TARDIS sides (this is one, the other looks just like it). Next week they start on the doors!

And Susan P and I put up ten gallons of mead.

There's five gallons of 'plain' sweet mead, one 2.5 gallon batch of Huajilla (mesquite) and a 2.5 gallon batch of Star Thistle.

Pity it takes so bloody long for the stuff to ferment. I hope to put another batch up in six months and get on a regular schedule.

Tomorrow's my pen meeting (Austin Fountain Pen Society) and Monday, I start a another week of madcap, laugh-a-minute mayhem.

Stay tuned for details!